well-dressed foolish ideas

So I went to see Kill Bill Vol. 2 tonight. Recommendable. In a serious way. I really liked it. Very campy cheesy humor in some bits, but better than that, I like the way it looked. I seem to be very into that kind of movie quality lately. I said nearly the same thing about Lost in Translation, 21 grams, and Mystic River. I think I even said it about Hellboy. I should get a new line...

I'm awaiting my copy of Fable. It hasn't shipped yet. Yes I know it's not released anywhere. I don't care. I still want it. Soon. As in now. I'm also awaiting the xbox version of Thief3 so I can check it out. I'm such a console snob supporter that I don't really want to check out Thief unless it's on an xbox. I guess I'm worse than just a console supporter.... I'm a Microsoft slave. But I've made my peace with that already, so I can at least sleep at night.

I have to say, the dialog in Thief3 that I'm hearing right now is actually pretty funny in one of those ...speak...very...slowly...and...precisely...in...a...stupid...voice kind of ways.

Laundry still isn't completely done yet, but started with an absurd amount to do in the first place, so having only a little left is a pretty large accomplishment. Yay me.

Don't have much to blabber blog about today, really. I know that my kitchen is getting closer and closer to becoming a reality. The nice people will bring it to me soon. And I'll give them an arm to pay for it. The installation folk will get the leg... Beyond that not very exciting update, I spent a couple hours sitting in the park today in the sunshine. That's right. It appears the folks responsible for the weather in this city have seen fit to allow some sunshine and sort of spring/summer like conditions. Considering it's June now, I have to say.... It's about damn time.

And now I'm going to go back on my word and watch some Thief3 on the PC. I'll sleep better knowing I'm not just a Microsoft slave...right?

Oh before I go through the hell of publishing... Bookworm update.

I have somewhere around 6.5 million. I'm still cool. But I haven't gotten 20,000 points for one word, like someone else. (ahem.) Yet!

PS Typos are the fault of the powerbook. Not me.
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So there's some new DS news, in the form of 'next after the Cube' news. (It wasn't that enticing, actually so I'm not sure what made me think to link it....)

Today was a good day. I was lazy again. And by lazy, what I mean to say is utterly, disgustingly lazy. Didn't really want to get out of bed, but managed to do so for a smoothie. I am seriously addicted and might need professional help soon. I doubt there's any type of support group or anything where I can go and say something really fun like, "Hi, my name is Kirsten and I'm addicted to smoothies." and then have everyone say back, "Hi, Kirsten!" If I find a place, I'll let you know.

Laundry today. And not enough space on the laundry hanging drying mechanism thing. Still not done with it, completely, but there's much less left to do. (I'm not counting the pile in the closet.)

Finally talked to Red tonight. Haven't heard from her in a while. It was really nice to catch up a little bit and just talk about blah and nothing in particular. It was somehow reassuring to hear her voice. And laugh. There's a kind of isolation feeling setting in, or at least it has been kind of feeling that way for a little while. Not incredibly alarming or terribly bad, but not full scale happiness and light about it either. Somehow related, it looks less and less likely that I'll be going to the states for Christmas this year. Despite the guilt trips and sad commentary, or lonely commentary this would get me, I don't really think that I want to go. There's a lot of bitterness and anger involved and I don't like putting myself in the position where I have to deal with that on a regular basis and can't really deal with it in a way where anything actually changes. People will still be the way they are, they'll still act the way they always have - myself of course included - and I can't possibly expect people to change. But in the same vein, I shouldn't expect from myself that I should have to put myself in that kind of situation. Where I'm not entirely and unbearably uncomfortable, but at least there's a level of discomfort that is enough to make me feel most of the time that I just don't want to be there. And of course, this begs the question, do I really have to run away from my problems... is that really what I'm doing? Not going so I don't have to deal with something that I don't like? I don't want to go, I don't want to be there, but there's obviously some very seriously rooted reason for it. And I really don't feel like it's something that I'm avoiding so vigorously so that I don't have to deal with it. I do have to deal with it, I just know that I don't have to be there to deal with it, and I don't want a holiday season again where things aren't actually worth the trouble for me to get there.

On a wholly different topic... I spent about an hour reading through some message boards tonight on a gaming site discussing the finer points of the pro-life vs pro-choice debate. I wish that there had been more people on the side of illegalizing the procedure to provide more than just one argument, from one person. Not necessarily because I would agree with them, as I try to stay out of those debates or discussion entirely, but just to get another perspective. Is there a stone left in that debate that is as of yet still unturned? I would place bets that everything that can be said to sway one's opinion on the topic has already been stated - numerous times.

Laundry's done. Must hang the sheets...somewhere. I have no idea where, but I'll find something...
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Not only is the Powerbook grumpy (and no I cannot explain this in any way...), but it has a german keyboard and there's not a reliable spellchecker for some reason with Safari. (Good luck reading the incomprehensible blog for the day. Really.)

To add insult to injury (rather, vice versa to be more precise), the headache that plagued me all week and decided to go away sometime in the afternoon yesterday came back a couple hours ago with a serious vengence. I am beginning to think I should have a spare stash of vicodin if this keeps up much longer. It's really frustrating.

I had a hard time actually getting out of bed today. It was too comfy. And I didn't have a particular reason to get up, so I would have preferred to lounge around the entire day. I lounged around for most of the day, getting up and leaving for a late lunch at the Bagel Station at some time that would be appropriate for afternoon tea at my mother's house. Afterwards went to Saturn for a quick spin around the games section and dvd section to look for something that might catch my eye. I pondered getting Pokemon Colosseum because I've heard (seriously) that it was a really good game. I passed up the opportunity because I realized that I have a boatload of games at home that I haven't played enough of to justify buying another one at the moment. (Even though Fable was preordered and set to be delivered sometime next week, but that's a totally different story somehow considering it was preordered. Right?) I still wasn't lucky enough to find a copy of Good Will Hunting on dvd that had english audio. Maybe it's a conspiracy and they're hiding all those copies somewhere in this city in a vault that I don't know about. It could happen. Probably not very likely, yet still somehow possible.

I went for dinner tonight to celebrate a birthday at Yellow, where we ate in the Special Room. It was special. I wanted to take a nap after dinner, but I refrained. Somehow.

Aside from the strawberry vodka, which I discovered recently at the Monk, there's a new drink on my drink card, as of tonight. Vodka sours. They're a kind of less sweet version (makes sense if they're 'sour', no?) of lemon drops, which used to be one of my favored shots. Sours are easy. Just throw some vodka and lemonjuice into a cup and sprinkle it with a little sugar and Voila! Vodka Sour. So simple, even I could make one at home. Blindfolded, no less. (Maybe.)

In case anyone is wondering, waxing hurts.

Okay the headache is overtaking everything even though I wanted to write a little something more with a little more substance. Time to try to relax a little and listen to Thief 3 (because I can't be botherd to get up and look at it) and contemplate some serious rest. Or sleep. Whichever comes first or lasts longest.

Oh and just for kicks....

Hoot!
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I haven't been lazy. I've had a migraine/headache that won't go away. I suspect it's the freaky weather, but I might be wrong about that.

What's worse is that I don't really have much to blog about. Let's see....what have I been up to lately? Hm. Sleeping. A lot. It made the headache bearable when I actually slept. I also went shopping for groceries yesterday and spent 100 euros that I don't have. Brilliant plan, no?

In other news, I'm sure I already mentioned the lack of a kitchen. I'll have one next week. Yes, that's right. Someone else is installing a kitchen in my flat (because, frankly, I'm too lazy to do it myself and I don't have the right tools anyways). But I'm paying them well to do it, so that's okay then.

I haven't heard about the wedding again that I'm supposed to go to in July. I might have to find out about that soon. I wanted to have another rather productive weekend again and do something in my flat, but I think I might've run out of things to do. I guess that's the price I pay for being so productive last weekend! If I think about it, there's probably plenty that I could/should do, but I don't want to think about it at the moment. Maybe later. Besides, it's a 3 day weekend. Juhu! Those rock. Except for the fact that there will be two straight days that the shops will be closed this weekend. Someone has to talk the Austrians into thinking that having the shops open on Sunday or a holiday is a good idea and that it would be fantastic for the economy (or something equally enticing, or even more enticing...). It's really frustrating to have to remember to shop before 17.00h on a Saturday. But I shouldn't complain too much. At least the shops are open on Saturday.

I still love GMail. It's been rather cool to play around with and I have actually (!) been writing emails lately. What's gotten into me? It's so out of character...

I need to find some kind of device to put under one of my monitors at work, since at the moment I'm using a book from the company's 'library'. And I should probably give that back. It's really a shame that I'm lazy not more imaginative today.

I haven't been out for a quiet beer in a while. I kind of miss it. I should do that this weekend. Except I have plans already. Hm. Maybe brunch, lunch or some kind of mealtime adventure. Or coffee. Which, I suppose, is something I would benefit from greatly at this very moment.

I wonder if I would actually play any games this weekend if I mentioned that I really want to. I've been playing a game every day (except yesterday in headache hell) with some people at work for the past week. It is starting to invade my brain, though...I see little squares a lot. And I hear the music way too often. So I might have to find a new game to occupy my time until the squares and music go away.

Hey, in the past two days, I've been asked if I was pregnant and if I wanted to get married. What's that all about? And the answer was no. To both questions, thankyouverymuch. Kind of related, I'm a bit hungry and will likely be pretty bitchy about it in about 15 minutes. (Perfect timing, as I will be in a meeting at that point.)

So I actually have work to do, which is kind of new. It's nice, but I'm still frustrated. I just realized that I never actually took the time to write about why. But then I probably won't do that here.
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For email.

Because I gotta gig. Fo' free. And I have to say... GMail rocks. And apparently I'm allowed to invite people to join GMail after I do something that I'm not aware of what it is or some time passes. Whatever, onto more important details. So there's some people that are currently gmail account holders that are supposed to help google test the whole thing. Since this is my job, I don't mind so much, but it just seems that the only email I've sent to them so far has only been feature requests, and I've only had the account for about 7 hours. So I haven't broken anything yet. But I will! I have to.

By now you probably know the key ways in which Gmail differs from traditional webmail services. Searching instead of filing. A free gigabyte of storage. Messages displayed in context as conversations.

And the conversation thing....I like it a lot. I'm still of course getting used to it, but it's really cool. No more > in front of any text in an email. Yay! The searching through emails is really really awesome. Too bad I don't have loads of emails to search through to be able to check it out thoroughly. Maybe soon enough. I wish there was a way to import addresses though. That took me a while. The help docs are kinda okay, but not groundbreaking and seem to be lacking some small details. The customer support - can't really comment since I've only sent in two feature suggestions and haven't yet gotten a reply. I'm sure it's probably okay. Nothing fabulous but sufficient. But by far, I think the best thing to see at the moment is:

You are currently using 0 MB (0%) of your 1000 MB.

Oh, but I can only send out 10Mb files with emails. Oh well.

I got an email today that I was totally not expecting. It's good to know that some people are still alive. I'm not always that stellar with replying to emails. Which, considering the amount of blogging and the regularity of the blogs is surprising, right? Right.

So on a totally different note...I have electricity in my flat again. Yeah, last night I didn't. Apparently my washing machine short circuited the entire flat. Cool. And then there's this tidbit... My electricity box is right outside my front door. Yes, that's right - not in the flat. It's lockable. That's not the best part - here's the best part of the whole thing. I don't have a key. Uh huh. Creative, no?

There should be a "shared"/"community" key in a small table drawer in the stairwell. Except someone didn't put it back, obviously. And the (manager for the USians) hauswart lady was super pissed that the key wasn't in the drawer. We had a nice long chat about how crazy it all is. (Very philosophical at the root of the talk, really.) I never thought that such a sweet looking old lady could swear like a sailor. But this morning I got my proof. Or at least she can (and apparently does) when she's pissed about someone 'stealing' a key that isn't theirs.

I will have a key before this weekend.

The movie update -- I finally watched one of the borrowed movies last night. Kill Bill Vol. 1. Good flick. Need to watch the other two.
Bookworm. I'm apparently slacking because there's now a new high score to beat. It's something around 3.3 million, or at least that's the number I remember. Last I checked I only had 2.7 million, but I can likely catch up pretty quick. Some ubhan trips to and from work should cover that gap pretty easily.

Someone explain something to me. Please. If I say: I'm hungry. And the "I" represents a female....how is this "a girl thing" to say? Hello?

Yeah, I don't get it.

Speaking of being hungry... I am. So I'm going to fix that before I go off and have drinks.

Happy Birthday, Jurie! (I resisted the urge to substitute his name with "Old Man"...)
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The unproductive fairy came by and sprinkled me with her magic dust today. And then I went to German class. Which was pretty good actually.

Super short today for lack of desire to complain.

Loudly.
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By the way, feel free to ignore the (notes) section. Blogger made comments kind of hard to not put in the blog...

So I was productive again today. Until about 5 when I went to meet a friend for coffee, and that was the end of the line for the busy weekend. I totally impressed myself. But really spent some time wondering how much more stuff I could have done on those weekends in the past where I just sat on my ass the entire time, barely moving from the living room. Such memories made me feel like a bit of a sloth.... the 3-toed kind. They're kinda slow. Sometimes I am, too. But sometimes, I'm turbocharged. I can't make up my mind, but that's normal for a girl, right?

I just read a German article. Don't ask me what it was about. Reading Comprehension and I are still friends, but it was a cover story for the magazine and it was a lot of reading. And I can't be bothered to sum up, mostly because I'm super lazy. Have learned some cool new vocab tho! Like, oh for the zahlreiche(th) time, enough already! ha ha! Didn't ever bother to think to look up the word 'umpteen' but am glad I found it today. How amusing. It's almost as cool as laecherlich and ananas. But ananas is funner to say. (And I really know that 'funner' is totally not a real word, but ignore that for the moment.) Unartig is fun to say too. But ananas still takes the cake. I don't even really like pineapples that much, actually.

My picture wall kicks ass. It looks super cool. I totally had a brilliant idea with that whole thing. (Does someone need a pat on the back?) But now I need to go get more picture frames and get some more prints made. The entire wall will be covered in pictures soon! Ha ha! (It would be so much cooler if I could convey the wicked evil cackle via blog, but alas, I fear that is not possible with text. Boohoo.)

I totally failed at one thing this weekend. I was going to go check out the fitness place. I didn't. I'm really a sloth, aren't I? Well, maybe next weekend....

Okay, what's the deal with the skittles? I have a bag sitting nearby. I usually get two at a time - don't ask why, it's really an obsessive compulsive kind of answer - and the last four times I've gotten a pair of skittles they've been orange. I think this bag is broken and only has orange. It's not even half gone!

Ahh the troubles in life. Aren't they horrendous?

Really.
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I should be sleeping. Instead, I'm laying in bed and listening to the last Philly Flyers/Tampa Bay Lightning conference finals on NHL game radio. I would give a whole lot to have satellite so I could have the possibility to watch the game. How I miss watching the playoffs. And wouldn't it be nice if Philly would win so it could be a Calgary v. Philly finals? Why, yes I think it would, as well.

Did loads this weekend, and feel more than productive. The motivation lasted all the way through Saturday, and it might stick around through Sunday. I already have some ideas about what I could do if I'm still motivated for the remainder of the weekend. I did nearly everything I wanted to do this weekend, plus a little more. I wanted to buy a copy of the book from the Earth from Above exhibit, but after looking through it for a bit today, I noticed that the binding was really distracting because most of the pictures were the size of two pages and since the book was bound like nearly every book is bound, the picture was split in half and you couldn't see the middle of the shot. It made me think that maybe the book wasn't that cool, so I passed on buying it. Still cool shots, but I would rather have the same book with a different binding that didn't basically ruin the good photography.

Ran into the neighbor after buying some plant requirements today. So we went to his place to sit about a bit and play with his son. He told me something that is totally intriguing... Apparently saw a documentary on BBC Prime about competition, and the interesting and intriguing bits had to do with sibling rivalry. It seems that 2nd children are better at getting parents attention, they have a better strategy than a 1st child, for example. The reason for this is that the 1st born doesn't need to fight for attention from day 1, but #2 has to fight to draw attention to themselves more frequently and more consistently starting the day they are born so they have better skills and strategies to accomplish this rather early on in their life. With this theory, first children would have to start learning the same skills and strategies after their sibling is born, therefore they aren't very good at it. This lends to the other part of the theory - 2nd children are (more often than 1st children) more innovative and more inventive than 1st borns. Statistics apparently back this up with the fact that more innovators, politically, artistically, societally, invention-wise etc etc are their parents' second child. Super interesting! Wonder how a third child influences this particular situation. And I don't wonder this only because I'm the 3rd of 3, but I can imagine that this also has some affect on the 2nd child as wells as the 1st. Of the people that I know that are 1st or 2nd children, I'm not sure that I completely agree with this theory, but I still find it pretty interesting...

Will be cooking tomorrow. Cooked last night. Sort of cooked tonight. So I'm still in a cooking freaky frenzy. No smoothies lately, but I'm prepared. Bought some fruit today. Yay me.

Okay, I'm too tired to listen to the rest of the game...Bed time.

Sweet dreams.
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So apparently I was missing out on something my entire adult-drinking life. The concept evaded me for years. Until tonight. Strawberry vodka. And we're not talking vodka flavored somehow with strawberry likeness. We're talking strawberries soaked in vodka and then seemingly whirled in a blender together to form a super lecker beverage that would likely be served well in a smoothie. That's right. It would go well in a smoothie, but it's even super lecker alone. I really like the Monk sometimes. Tonight was one of those nights. Finally found out the name of the really cool waitress there, talked about random yet interesting topics and had a good night. Good nights haven't been rare lately. I can't help but feel lucky about that. Would be nice to curl up next to and thank someone for that, but that will wait. Doesn't change the sentiment.



I can remember ten years ago being up at the same time. Similar situation in that I had gotten home just before 2 in the morning. And laying in bed, staring at the ceiling before going to sleep. Of course, I won't be woken up at 4 am, and I won't be making a trip to Vallejo or a hospital at 5 am this year. But I'm still reminded. I still remember. And that can only be a good thing. The dream cameos are still happening. The memories are still there.

I looked through some old pictures today. Old family photos. Funny how everyone looks mostly the same, and nothing and everything is different. Everyone's grown up somehow, grown into how things are. Adapted and been adopted by different things or people in their life. How separate everyone is. I thought a bit earlier while I was looking at pictures about how different I am and how much I've changed in the past 10 years. Wonder what kind of impression I would leave now. And I know it doesn't serve me well to wonder, but I can't help but be curious and question if I'd make him proud if he was still here.

I think I would.

I hope I would.

For some reason I was motivated today. I put together half of my chopping block after cleaning my kitchen, and picking up the rest of my flat, organizing my "to-be-ordered" kitchen bits, listening to an entire Johnny cash album while mopping and vacuuming, or the other way around, the entire flat. And all this before 13.30h. I can't quite grasp what happened, but I think I was slightly motivated.

I also have grown fond of using my blog to write lists of things to do. It might help me remember things. Or it might not. But at least it makes me think. Sometimes.

Here's my list of stuff to do before Sunday - because all the stores are closed on Sundays and I'll likely need lots of stores for all this...

• need to buy screwdrivers of my own
  
• need to buy hammer of my own
  
• failing buying screwdrivers and hammer, must borrow array of sizes of screwdrivers.
  
• need to buy picture frames - about 30 of them (probably have to go to ikea for that...)
  
• need to go buy the book of pictures of the earth from above exhibit
  
• need to go buy phone charger at Saturn
  
• drop off gifts
  
• stop by John Harris - oy - maybe Sunday?
  
• need to go buy food - the kind that I can eat easily while being slightly motivated this weekend. easy stuff.
  
• need to borrow drill from neighbor to install shelves in bedroom
  
• need to buy screws to use to install shelves
  
• install shelves in bedroom
  
• put ~30 pictures in frames - must buy first - then hang them on the wall.... crookedly (because who can hang pictures properly?)
  
• call ikea, or maybe if there on Friday or Saturday, order rest of kitchen
  
• then see if I can't organize a time for the friendly guys to come and put it all together for me...
  
• dispose of cardboard and styrofoam from packaging that was sitting in my kitchen for 6 months
  
• take empty beer bottles to recycle bins
  
• need to do some laundry
  
• read a book (not optional)
  
• finish another book (kind of optional)
  
• figure out what I can do that's on this list without needing a store first and do that today
  

I'm glad that 4 day weekends can sometimes be productive.

Got a picture today on my phone from Rome. Jealous. Sent back a picture from the Bagel Station. You're welcome, babe.

Must stay motivated - need to finish stuff and then go have eis! Lecker!

Update. Already. Still on a mac...

• Hang out at the park in the sunshine.
  
• Food shopping, including alcoholic beverages (beer first, vodka second and wine third).
  
• Go to fitness center and find out stuff about membership stuff.
  
• Finish one of the seven books I already started. (And not start another without finishing it!)
  
• Order Free Loader from dvdboxoffice.com.
  
• Watch at least one of the three movies that people have lent me.
  
• Read a really good book.
  
• Possibly borrow some tools and put together something in my kitchen. Possibly.
  

Because I'm not good with German keyboards, you have to forgive the typos that the spell checker would normally catch but today won't because as I've just discovered, there's not a spell checker when you use a Mac to access the post writing page. Oh well.

I really want to take the time to put together a comprehensive complaint, but I don't think I will manage to do it properly until tomorrow and I don't really want to attempt the complaint and not put the whole thing out there at once. It's not really a complaint per se. It's more of a "I'm frustrated with stuff because of all of these reasons." And I think being chintzy on the explanations for being so frustrated would make things confusing and difficult to understand. Whatever. I'll write it when I can formulate something properly.

So I have a four day weekend. I have decided that I won't do anything on Friday night. I might not even do anything on Saturday night. I was considering hiding in my flat for the weekend and while that sounds super appealing, I think that I'll have to go out and see the real world for at least a shopping trip on Saturday for both food and stuff that I couldn't possibly need to buy, but will anyways. (The y being in the z's spot on this keyboard is confusing the hell out of me.) I also promised a friend I'd see her tomorrow and maybe go to the park with her to sit in the sunshine, if it's sunny. (Which it better be!)

Things to do this weekend instead of hiding in my flat and pretending the outside world doesn't exist:

• Hang out at the park in the sunshine.
  
• Food shopping, including alcoholic beverages (beer first, vodka second and wine third).
  
• Go to fitness center and find out stuff about membership stuff.
  
• Finish one of the seven books I already started. (And not start another without finishing it!)
  
• Order Free Loader from dvdboxoffice.com.
  
• Watch at least one of the three movies that people have lent me.
  
• Read a really good book.
  
• Possibly borrow some tools and put together something in my kitchen. Possibly.
  

That sounds like a lot. Maybe some of those are more 'possibilities' than anything else.

I made a drink before I started writing this post. I had about 1/3 of it. And I'm still thirsty. And it's gone. I hope it was good. Blogging on a mac with safari means there's a lot of extra scrolling down to the end of the post if you switch tabs a lot.

There was no lunch cooking today. Not for lack of want, but for lack of time. I'll pick it back up next week when I'm back at work.

I'm getting chewed on. This means I should run away or at least not stay so stationary.

No particular order. None. Whatsoever. Honest.

• Don't read email from Mother while at work.
  
• Don't hold arm over a covered (and boiling) pot of water. Steam burns too.
  
• Don't look at flats to buy.
  
• Figure out who will give me money long enough for me to buy a flat - and how I would pay them back. Do this before looking at more flats.
  
• Don't wake up grumpy.
  
• More than two days in a row.
  
• Or tomorrow.
  
• Find a place in this city that's open past 19.00h that sells fruit. The edible kind.
  
• Remedy smoothie withdrawal.
  
• Bring goddamn xbox to the office to get modded. (This is never going to happen. I'm certain of it.)
  
• Find out what kind of medicinal stuff you should put on burns.
  
• Play more games.
  
• The fun kind.
  
• Finish at least one of the 7 books I'm reading.
  
• This week.
  
• Remember German tag. (Right.)
  
• Watch borrowed movies before they have been out of the owner's possession before owner dies. Or within 6 months. Whichever comes first.
  
• Listen to Kitaro - Ancient cd again.
  
• Kitchen. Everyone needs one.
  
• Learn bug db's by osmosis to save time at work.
  
• Ignore Bejeweled. And ignore the fact that it's coming to the GBA.
  
• Con someone into playing Puyopop this weekend.
  
• Make decision about party this weekend. Consult with necessary people prior to decision.
  
• Take more pictures.
  
• Decide on next tattoo design.
  
• Stop shopping online when annoyed.
  
• Check bank account before shopping incident starts this weekend. This might deter shopping incident.
  
• Call Mother.
  
• Call Friend.
  
• Call Brother.
  
• Call Mother again and tell her what Brother said.
  
• Stop listing crap and get off your ass and do something.
  

Other miscellaneous information... I was sad, in a way, yesterday to discover that one of my co-workers looks better in a corset than I do. He really looks good in them. Damn. And he said something about my being frumpy. Now if that isn't the nicest thing to hear just an hour after waking up (grumpily, I might add), and before consuming coffee, I don't know what is.

Have been trying to find a song all day and been completely unsuccessful. Must start the hunt again tomorrow.

What happened to my grammar? I can't use subjects anymore? Geez. And just last night I made a comment about my English going to hell in the past couple of years. Now, I have proof. Not that I needed it, really.

Burned my arm today. Steam is hot. Good to know. I'll try to remember that in the future. Still on the cooking freaky frenzy. For lack of an imagination, I made pasta again today.

I think I might have gone a little overboard in my staying away from smoothies thing. I might be going into withdrawals at the moment.

I think I just figured out the grumpy in the morning thing. Haven't smoked in a while. And have been highly annoyed for 2 days. And haven't smoked in about 4 or 5. Might be connected. Or I could just be super moody. Both of these explanations are equally possible. I'm getting highly annoyed with people very easily as well.

And the more I think about it, the more annoyed I am. So I'll stop that and just move on to something else.

Like packing up my stuff and getting out of the office and finding someplace to go eat. Because I'm hungry. And because I can.

Yes, that's right folks. It's one of those days. Nothing is actually working properly. So to remedy this in a non-remedying kind of way, I've done a little online shopping. I'm not smart. I know this. I haven't actually ordered anything...yet.

I can't quite pin down exactly why, but this makes me think that the industry will never make a game without an unrealistically proportioned, big-busted, tiny waisted, and stupid female lead character.

I have so much more I could ramble on about this whole 'e3 chix' topic, but I'm afraid I'd annoy myself.

Was late to work today. An hour. Not a small amount. And I have to leave at 17.30h because of German class. And I've just realized I haven't done my homework yet. Ich rocke! Yeah. Right.

I wanna go see a movie this week. Not sure if I can go see the one that I really wanna see - Coffee and Cigarettes - because I'm sure it's not out here yet. Maybe I should watch one of the three damn movies that people from work have already lent me. After having one of them for over 6 months, I think it might be about time. Damn I'm lazy.

Must not continue to be lazy. Have work to do.

Weekend away good idea. Whoever thought of that, good move. Want to write lots of stuff, but can't be bothered to sort things out in the head in order for it to make much sense.

Because most posts of mine make a lot of sense.

To me.

Had a relaxing weekend, enjoyed it a lot. Will have to do it again. That's all I'll say about that.

I'm in a kind of anti people mood lately. I seem to only be able to handle a small amount of people and when that number grows past a certain threshold, I slowly get really agitated and likely very un-fun. Also wasn't good with lots of noise today.

Realized something while at dinner. I don't like having attention drawn to me. At all. Especially in larger groups of people. I am certainly not keen on being the center of attention, get kinda squirrelly and super uncomfortable. Not sure why. I have known this for a long time, but it became kind of in my face obvious tonight. Don't really want to give the wrong impression - that I'm bored, pissed etc etc, because that's not it - but don't really want to explain in the situation because that would likely be even more uncomfortable than trying to shy away from the attention - and more uncomfortable for not just me. I've always been the kind of quiet observer when I don't really know people that well. Tough to explain. I like being quiet, watching, observing, listening, etc. to figure people out, especially people that I really don't know all that well, or at all, actually. I'm sure this comes across in the wrong way sometimes. I'm not always pissed, or tired, or bored. But I'm sure it looks like I am a lot of the time when I'm out and not really talkative. But damnit, I'm shy when I don't really know a lot of people.

On the bookworm front, I'm still super cool. Haven't checked the competition lately, but I'm sure he's catching up.

Must turn off computer. Technology overload - 1 hour in front of a computer after not seeing one since Friday. Wow, just over 24 hours. Impressive, in a not impressive at all kind of way.

Blah. la la.

It's amazing, the speed at which a day flies past you when you have things to do and not an entire day to do them all. I didn't even manage to have enough time to cook today. It looks like I might have slipped out of the cooking obsession, if even for just the weekend. But I'm looking forward to good food, prepared by someone else this weekend. I'm sure they have smoothies, but I might have to take a break for a while.

Links, in no particular order of usefulness or newsworthiness (because I can't think of anything to write that would be quick and easy).
Smoking kills.
This took too long to come to fruition.
The Brits are keen at starting 'em off young and keeping 'em in debt longer.
Where the hell did this come from?
No witty comment.
Flyers losing, but Flames winning. This is a Good Thing. Many Flyers fans would say that the Flyers were a "fucking disgrace" in the third game. Since they lost (badly, I might add), I would tend to default to their comments/opinions as I'm not lucky enough to have any access to Stanley Cup playoff games, let alone highlights.
Physicists run amok with photons. No scissors, so it's safe.
I've always wondered about this.
If you're bored. Or curious.
Waichowski news.
Nuclear annihilation in the most entertaining form.
By the way, if you're having trouble sleeping, try playing this game. This is the long awaited cure for insomnia.

Okay only a little time left before I have to run away, so I think I should go back to attempting to be productive at the office.

**Update - Sanity is important. Cooking everyday is out of the ordinary and can therefore be construed as insane!

Now back to the regular post.**

I'm definitely going to have to go see a doctor soon if this lunch making thing keeps up. I'm starting to worry for my health. Or more to the realistic point, my sanity. Made Tacos today. Of the vegan variety. They were good. Not spicy enough though. The salsa that is supposed to be 'hot' from the grocery store downstairs is... well, not. Pretty much what I had expected - stuff in a tortilla with some other stuff added in that wasn't cooked. Tough to mess up, I think.

Speaking of food, I think I could use a snack. Maybe a smoothie. Wait. Maybe I should lay off the smoothie freaky-ness for a little while. Almost been 7 days straight with one every single day. And yes, I've already had one today. But I have M&M's now, and could possibly make them so much cooler with candies! I have Skittles, too. I want a smoothie where I can taste the rainbow! Or just use really bad advertising lines to make stupid jokes.

[bad bad segue]
Coffee tomorrow before work. Lecker. Maybe even bagels!
[/bad bad segue]

So apparently there's some kind of conference in the States about games. I can't be bothered to collect all the links and be nice and put them here for my hugely vast (yet rather self sufficient, if I do say so myself) readership. (That would be accounted for by me, and then there's you, sometimes.) So I'll sum up. I want Half Life 2. But want even more... Halo 2. Now. kthx. Gameplay videos of HL2 can be found everywhere. The internet is easy to navigate. You can do it!

I feel like going out tonight and having loud obnoxious conversations and laughing a lot. Yet, I have to go home and see what kinda of things I need to take with me this weekend. And at some point I should call Red. Some Point. Whenever I get around to being home where I can use my landline and she might be somewhere near her phone, cell or otherwise. The 9 hour difference is a bit difficult to take into account when the brain doesn't actually bother with remembering that.

Had a weird dream last night. Was with a bunch of people from work. There was lots of talking, entertaining talking, lots of liquor (or what appeared to be liquor), talk about a bet that someone had made about a sporting event.... And one of our Designers was smoking. Which he doesn't do. The talk about a bet was likely linked to the conversations that I've had with aforementioned designer about a bet we had between us about a year ago that whichever one didn't come to the office the next day in a corset owed the other a pole dance. Unfortunately, we both showed up in a corset. No pole dances. Maybe next time.

Must go away from the concrete box and remember what the outside world looks like. And pack for the weekend!

Why does time go so much faster in the morning than any other time of day?

Never. I repeat, Never, use oranges in smoothies unless you want to chew the smoothie. There's no way to get the damn pulp out either. It's impossible. There's some magical chemical reaction that occurs when you make a smoothie that doesn't allow for ever separating the ingredients from each other. Ever again. Now that I know this, I won't ever do it again. Promise. Really. It was almost bad enough to make me want to not make another. I think I've even turned someone off of smoothies with this mishap! Oh dear god, what have I done?? Because of that unfortunate happening, I've made two batches of smoothies tonight. The first a complete and utter failure with traces of stupidity. The second, well let's just say not that much better. It's hard to make a good smoothie when all you have is frozen raspberries and an apple left (after an orange extravaganza). No jogurt, no ice cream, no other exotic fruits, just raspberries and an apple, plus orange juice and strawberry juice. But let's face it, when the majority of the smoothie is already destined to be of the berry variety....does one really need strawberry juice, as well? I think not. Now I have a step above raspberry jam. Cold raspberry jam. If there was bread, I'd make some toast and use it as a spread. Okay I'm exaggerating a little, but understandably so, I think. Bad smoothies are detrimental to the thinking processes. And coordination goes right out the window as well. Take it from me. I've just lived through the experience. Barely.

But the good news is that I'm not put off of smoothies just yet. It'll take more than a bad orange mishap to ruin my thirst for the tasty beverages!

So onto bigger and brighter successes. Oh one more mess up and then we'll talk about the positive things. Today was German Wednesday. I wasn't so good at that. Especially not as good as I was last week with it.

German class was good tonight. We learned stuff that I can't remember and the class was finished not more than 4 hours ago. Yay me! We also spent loads of time on one exercise, but this time it was totally worth it. Reading comprehension and I get along really well. Sentence construction and I aren't really on speaking terms at the moment, and Grammar and I are getting along better this week, but Grammar's really fickle and could turn on me next week.

I'm super excited to see Red in a month. (Give or take a week or so.) Should be nice to see her again and spend some time relaxing. I'll have to take some time off work while she's here. Or she can hang out and entertain herself while I slave away the days. Am supposed to go to a wedding - or at least that's how I understood the conversation with the mother last weekend - at the beginning of July. Mother wants to go, which means she'll be visiting for a week before the wedding. She wants Red to come along. This is all great. I like it. What concerns me here is that I live in a flat suitably big enough for... well... me. This whole situation would require Red and Mother to stay at my place at the same time. I have one bed, one couch, one loveseat. None of us would fit on the loveseat for sleeping. Red volunteered to take the couch. Mother must have bed. I sleep elsewhere? Now that's a pretty solid plan. Except for the fact that Mother would likely give me shit. Relentlessly. I've survived worse I suppose. And I'd be comfortable. And she'd have a bed to sleep in. Sounds good to me.

Have fully embarked on cooking crazy journey. Made strudel for lunch today. Not one, but three. Was pretty tasty, I think. I am contemplating a menu for tomorrow's lunch hour. There's gotta be something that I can make. Am totally loving this whole cooking thing. Miss kitchen. Must put a proper one into my flat or risk going completely insane. And I don't think I can afford to be committed at the moment, rent and all, so I'll have to get right on that whole kitchen installation thing.

Foot fell asleep. Pins and needles.

Had a good talk on the way to German class today, was a lot of complaining, between the two of us about everything, but nothing that mattered. Made us both feel so much better, just to vent for a bit. The beer last night was pretty good. Among other things talked about a work problem and discussed some suggestions that might help the situation. Must have another talk when suggestions are discussed at the office. Need to know if the suggestions are of any value.

Found out last night that one of my favorite bartenders in the city very well may have a different name than the one I've been calling him for about 4 months. Feel smart. Should ask bartender to clarify, but that takes far too much effort.

Something totally unrelated. Somewhat related to sexy parts on a man's body - scent. I'm addicted.

I seem to say write that a lot lately.

Must finish raspberry jam and be entertained.

Forgot to mention one of the recurring themes during talks with my mom. The one on Mother's Day was no excception. Inevitably, she asks me for help with her computer. I should have done this. Long ago.

In case some people weren't aware of it, www.wien.at is the slowest site ever. And even though I already know this, I insist on attempting to use it, for some obscure and not-fully-understood reason. I just want a time estimate for public transport! Online. That's all. There has to be some place to find this that isn't that molasses filled site. And I know that there's at least one person on the planet that knows where I could go for that. This plea might be poorly timed, as the entire world doesn't read my blog... yet. I'll send out a memo via fax and maybe hand out some fliers or something. Someone has to know some site.

Onto something a bit less desperate... I'm addicted to smoothies. And this is a Bad Thing. (I so wanted to just superscript a TM there, but no.) At least I'm getting more fruits and vegetables per day. So I guess this could make it a Good Thing.

Cooked lunch at work today. Nothing fancy, just some pasta and garlic bread. Probably killed some plants with the stench of garlic, but it tasted pretty good, so I don't really mind so much about the plants. Nearly took over the entire kitchen with crazy cooking speed and utensils + (mit) cooking receptacles. (Ignore the (mit). I can't possibly explain.) Almost completely forgot about the bread, so it was a little more crispy than intended, but really, I don't mind so much. I had really forgotten that I like to cook. I should do it more often. Maybe some strudel later this week. Lecker!

Politics: George was honest. I guess there's a first time for everything. But I still don't believe the claim that he told the commission everything they wanted to know. It was a secret meeting fer fuck's sake. Yeah politics aren't all that great, so I'll let that go.

In case you didn't know... coders make funny coder sounds. That's all there is to say about that.

That new Cube game that I mentioned a while ago... Not bad, not bad at all! Completely unrelated to the game itself - I have to complain about the d-pad on the Cube controller because it's not oriented at only 90 degrees. Down is not always Down. It can be down and left or down and right...This makes tetris like puzzle-y games a bit not so fun until you master the 'Down is Down' concept and can execute it properly. This may or may not take some time, depending on your skill levels. I haven't mastered it yet and I played for about 45 minutes. Learning curve for me today is a little steep. I'll give it a go tomorrow and hope that the learning curve's slope becomes a little less extreme.

Beer tonight. Talk. A smoothie. And relaxing. Good plans, so far.

Dream analysis can be interestingly fun. Even moreso when the analysis isn't of a dream that you had yourself, but postulation about a dream that a friend had. It's a bit like grasping at straws, but also for me in a way feels like you could say just about anything and the dreamer could manage to find a way to apply what you postulate into a plausible reason. In a way, it's a bit like the horoscopes in daily newspapers that are written so unfailingly generally that each sign's description for the day could obscurely relate to everyone that reads them. Of course, there are the dreams that traditionally have an explanation from different psychological theories or practices that relate very much to each other. Nonetheless, discussions that start out with dream analysis of one particular dream generally segue pretty nicely into discussions of other dreams, pleasant ones, recurring ones, properties of dreams, elements of dreams that are startlingly easy to remember, terrifying ones... etc etc. The talk tonight reminded me of the dream that I wrote about two weekends ago, and then I was reminded of another dream I had of my dad about 9 years ago. It put a smile on my face.

At some point I think I'm going to have to buy a blender. Smoothies are awesome. I haven't gone a day since Saturday without at least one. I'm a spoiled brat. I know it. But they're just so good, it's nearly impossible to pass up. I was thinking of making some garlic bread tonight, but I wasn't in the mood for it by the time I got anywhere near the bread and other required items tonight. Although it now sounds like a yummy idea....but I'm already laying in bed, and probably should just not go back into the kitchen today.

I swear I'm going to watch Kill Bill Vol. 1 sometime soon. I have to. I have to stop borrowing movies from people and then not returning them for at least 6 months. How horrible is that? There's a really odd animation for something on TV at the moment. If I was paying attention to what was being said I might actually pick it up, but I don't know if I have that ability at the moment.

German class was cool tonight. I still feel like a 12 year old in a class with 5 year olds, but maybe that's because we spend far too much time on one exercise that I don't think I really need to spend so much time on. Last week we ended up just rifling through the dictionary learning random useless words while the rest of the class kept busy with the extra long exercise. This week we just killed time by complaining about being hungry. And thirsty for a beer. But later we talked about stuff that while mostly useless was at least mostly entertaining as well. That seems to kill time pretty well and helps out with the absurdly and ridiculously small vocabulary.

So for Mother's Day, I called my mother. And then after ten minutes my phone hung up on her. So she called me back. Long talk, unusual in many ways but traces of typical mom and me discussions crept into the two and a half hour long phone call. Still must call brother. And friend.

I kind of miss going to classes at university....or as the Americans would say, college. Totally unrelated, I'm tired. I guess it's no wonder considering the amount of sleep I got last night.
And on that note, I think it's time to seriously consider sleep for tonight.

Oh if only I could learn to not change pages on my Firebird while using the laptop, my blog wouldn't be so boring the second.... Grrr. I mean third time around. Hope I can remember everything I've written twice.

Mother's Day, today. Good thing I already ordered flowers to be delivered to mom. I hope she likes them. I'll have to give her a call so I can wish her a Happy Mother's Day in person.... or at least as in person as I can get while living on the other side of the world from her.

I had hoped to be able to go to the park today with some friends to lounge around on the grass in some sunshine. The plan was going swimmingly until a massive thunderstorm rolled in 30 minutes before we were to meet. And of course I had a great idea to go for a walk just before the raining started, so when I was about 2 blocks from the building it started raining. I thought it would settle down and stop soon enough so kept walking and then the torrential downpour began when I was about 15 minutes from home. Not my brightest move today, but I suppose next time I go for a walk during the next week I'll check the weather online first. When I finally got home, my jeans looked like I'd just gotten them out of the washing machine and put them on and my hair was of course dripping wet. Thankfully, I had let my hair dry completely after a shower this morning so it was totally dry when I left, and I got to do the drying thing again when I got back.

So instead of the park, we hung out at the friend's flat for the afternoon and chatted about this and that. Made some plans for dinner sometime soon at vegetasia, and then left after a couple hours to come home and nap before playing some games. Of course, when I got home I didn't nap and didn't play any games, rather I did some cooking and shopping online at ikea to see if I could buy some bits and pieces of furniture for my flat that I think I should get sometime soon. I'd like to take a look at a new Cube game I was going to buy but someone else bought for me (thanks, babe), but I don't know if I'll get around to that until after the phone call home to mom.

And now it's time to catch up with an old friend online that I haven't talked to in AGES. It's good to see and talk to people online that I haven't heard from in a while.

PS If links are broken - it's so not my fault.
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They wrote back.... We are pleased to confirm your reservation. Yay! Vacation good. Massage good. Weekend out of Vienna good. Not alone good.

So I guess I don't need sunshine for good weekends. This is good to know. It hailed this morning. Looked really cool when I was looking out the window from bed. And the shops weren't closed this weekend. So there was some crowded shopping today. But bagels as well. That was nice.

And now there should be coffee and then some smoothies and fresh veggies for dinner. Feeling secretive (not really, just too lazy to come up with something of substance to write.)...

USA vs SWE in world championship hockey tournament tonight. Now, actually. I don't know who to cheer for.
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I forgot about this.

Thank you for your reservation request.
We will process your request as soon as possible.

That is all.
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Total stream of consciousness - or subconsciousness. A bit of word association thrown in there for fun, as well. Makes no sense to probably anyone but me, which is good since I'm probably about half of my reading audience anyways.

I overreact. I'm defensive. I latch onto the idea that someone is ridiculing, placating, blaming, persecuting (etc. ad nauseum) me when all they want to do is get me to hear something they're saying. To listen. And then I jump at questions - answer without putting a huge amount of thought into the answer. Then think about it for a while and sometimes have a totally different answer. And I also get scared that the end of the conversation will result in not only the end of the conversation but the end of the opportunity to have conversations with that person again. Ever. (Must work on this. A lot.) Which puts me into a really fabulous state of mind when what I'd benefit most from is listening. And not ruminating, just really listening. And not jumping to answer questions before even considering how I really feel about the questions. And not disallowing someone's opinions, viewpoints etc by being defensive or hurt. And not twisting words into something that hurts me, but only in my own mind... And not wanting to leave because I just can't take it. Because I can. And I don't really want to leave, but I just don't want to keep saying things that make the situation worse. I feel trapped because I think no matter what I say it'll just be taken wrong because I'll be too clumsy to be able to get a point across, but I can't sit there and not say anything - what does that say? - and I can't up and leave - that says something entirely different than being silent, but neither is worse nor better than the other. And both would not take the situation into a good direction. So I struggle with myself to figure out what to say and what's the best way to phrase it so that it's not totally fucked up and clumsy and stupid, but I'm too sidetracked with being defensive and worried and scared that it just goes to shit anyways.

Ugh.

So how to fix this.... The defensive and insulted part bothers me the most because it precludes me from productivity, in a way, and it overrules everything else that bothers me. I think the approach is to take more time to think about what people say. Listen to them, actually hear what's being said, and try like fucking hell to not take it as a personal attack. (Not a terribly bad idea, I think.) And beyond that, I think it would probably behoove me to not answer questions with first impulse answers. I think that actually has a chance of working out.... Perhaps, I should also put a little faith in people. And not freak out and imagine them running away. All the time. Probably also not a terribly bad idea.


Segue to less intensively personal discussion.

Sometimes I have to wonder, what the hell is wrong with some people? Apropos... Interesting discussion over coffee today about sex and violence. Would like to summarize and further discuss - alone on the blog, but I'm having a hard time summarizing it in my head. Intriguing topic.

Have Dave Matthews Band and Blues Traveler's version of Gin and Juice in my head. Which is better than having Backyard Babies and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (at the same fucking time!) on my mental play list... for 3 hours.

Since there's sunshine outside - although it's 18.30 - I have to get outside and spend some time in the fresh air. Hope it stays nice for the weekend! Really want another relaxing and good weekend.
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So I've been neglecting my blog for the past two days. I suck. I know it. And I don't mind so much.

Have had a really good talk both tonight and last night with friends. It's nice to be able to talk about things that don't really impact my daily life all that much, but I can also pretend very easily to be philosophical and educated (somehow) for the majority of these conversations. It's much easier to philosophize and psychologize and hypothesize about things that mean a lot to people when you discuss it abstractly. And it proves to be interesting usually. And most of all insightful.

So I went to a lecture (in some unacademic but more presentational way) tonight about Uganda. From the looks of the photos, I think I would really enjoy a vacation there. Instead, I think my next foray out of this city will involve a spa or sauna. And I'm totally not complaining. At all. In the slightest bit. I really wanna go. Now would be okay with me. Really.

There was no Kill Bill Vol. 1 last night. Well, there was about 5 minutes before I realized there was no way I would possibly watch the entire movie. Although I have to say that the beginning looks pretty good, I just couldn't make it through the rest because I made the mistake of starting the film somewhere around 2 am. I'm not so smart sometimes. Nonetheless, I had hoped to start it (and finish it) tonight, but I got sidetracked after looking at pictures of Uganda with a cool discussion over a Singapore Sling. Someone should make those cocktails illegal. They're too tasty! It's for my own good that I didn't have more than two.

And now for something completely different.

Eyes. I like them. But I'm picky. I like the kind that feel like they're looking somewhere that no one else can. Hard to explain. And don't want to, really. I just like the ones that were just looking at me.

Back to the regularly scheduled blog....

Bookworm update. I'm kicking ass. That's about all there is to say about that.

So I found out today that I should voluntarily file tax returns here. Apparently the Austrians like to give money to people that send paperwork to the financial people in the government. Considering I've only ever done taxes in the US, this whole "file for a refund" idea is kinda new and really cool to me. I'll have to expand my vocabulary with the tax forms sometime soon.

Speaking of German.... Apparently I make people uncomfortable. Not that this is news, or dependent on language. It was a really bad segue.... I know. But their uncomfort level is mostly not to do with me, or at least that's what I heard tonight. Or maybe that's what I wanted to hear tonight. Egal. Point is, it still happens. Apparently. And I still don't think I'm that frightening. What is it with most of the people that I meet? They think I'm scary. If only they knew how harmless I really am.

Back to the flat discussion. It still seems like it would be a good idea. And everyone here seems to not want to HELP keep me out of debt and likes the idea. So I'll go with it and keep looking. I might come across a place that I just have to have for myself. Maybe. Hopefully. Wouldn't it be nice?

And now there's a Beach Boys song in my head. Can I switch to Me First and the Gimme Gimmes again? I much prefer that. kthx.

Time to harass or pester or sleep.
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German Wednesdays aren't so easy. I find that I have a little less to say. And it always seems to take me so long to actually say something. Or I guess since I didn't speak so much today, type would be the proper verb here. Patience isn't with me today. It was a day for eis! Juhu! First of the year. Always a good thing.

Want to watch Kill Bill Vol. 1 tonight. After beer.

Bookworm update. Kirs 2,x million. Rabbi ?? Will find out and update later.

Coconut. Ick.


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So. German homework isn't all that fun. Really. Especially when you ask people who's first language is german about grammatical terms and they can't explain grammatical terms that don't mean a thing to you in your native language. But enough about the frustrating bits of my day.

Well, sleeping in today was not so bad. The sun was shining when I went to work. There was a family walking down the street in front of me this morning on the way to the tram and they were really amusing. It seemed that they were playing a game similar to "I spy," but I can't be sure. Since today was only English Tuesday, and tomorrow is German Wednesday I wasn't all that prepared to handle that much german in the morning. Besides, I hadn't had my coffee yet, so I wasn't all that good at listening....or being awake.

So, a conversation I had last night made someone's day today. Thanks. :) Aside from that, my day was rather unproductive.

So I've been considering more a permanent residence here. I think I found a place that I at least want to go look at. I'm sure I can't possibly afford it, but then what that I do regularly can I really afford? So I might be able to justify it....somehow. And there might be someone that will give me enough money to be able to afford a place that I could own rather than just throw money into a black hole. I figure if I buy a place it would probably be a really really good reason to stick around for quite a while, especially if I have a 25 year mortgage to pay off. And the place that I would just like to look at has a balcony. Oh what I would do for a balcony. Really. Especially during the summer. And one facing west that would afford me a view of the sunrise from bed. Damn that sounds rough. I don't know that I would be able to handle it, really. Maybe I should just suffer and stay in the kindergarten flat for a couple more years. Listening to the bongos. Can't forget about those.

So here's the idea.... I either stick to my original plan, which requires me to save money for a few years, 3 to 5, and then buy a place with a genuine down payment that would be from my own pocket and save myself... I don't know how much money but it seems like it should be not that much, or I go ahead and torture myself looking for a place now and then begging someone to give me enough money to cover nearly the full price of a place. And then move. Which is always cheap!

I realized the other day that I made an appointment for exact day of an anniversary that I know won't turn out well. Not sure what to do with that. Maybe postpone it. Maybe just leave it. What kind of bothered me most about the realization is that I didn't realize it when I set the appointment. Does that mean I'm forgetting? Dishonoring somehow? Maybe it means that I've lost some sort of connection and thinking about it, I feel like I shouldn't ever have done that... I am kind of concerned that I ignored the date. That it really took me that long to figure out that I had forgotten. It feels disrespectful. And I know it shouldn't and I know that's not how it was meant, but .... oy vey. Really I feel bad about it.

Have I mentioned that there are at least a few people that I really like in this city? People I like talking to, having as friends? And at the moment, there's at least two in the room. What I wouldn't give to throw some people out of the room right now. I want a little attention. Maybe a lil more than just attention.

Little needy at the moment, eh, K? Sheesh. Get ahold of yourself!

So I don't have to beg for sudeki anymore. I didn't even have to show any leg! Which is kind of disappointing. I was totally prepared for it!

Damn.

Oh well. Next time.

la la la
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One more thing.

German class was langweilig and difficult.
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Slow internet connections make things....slow. I'm not smart today, don't expect anything mind-blowing to come out of this read.

Still considering the proper way to beg someone to preorder Sudeki from play.com for me. (ahem.) I have already considered batting my eyes, but I'm sure that won't work. I could try promising things, but that makes me look... not so stellar on a number of levels. I could show a little leg, but frankly, I'm laying in bed and a little lazy at the moment. I could do the "please be nice to me because I want something" voice, but that usually only works on associate producers (for me at least). I could try straight out asking, but that's a little obvious isn't it? So I'll keep mentioning it in my blog and hope against hope that someone might have mercy on me.

Bookworm. In the interest of being too lazy to type the whole number, they have been rounded.

1.3 million - Kirs
1.0 million - Rabbi.

I rock. That's all there is to say about that.

If you do a google search for your name, do you find anything? Hmm. I get a really long list. Shitloads of pages that have nothing to do with me, though. Which in some way is kinda interesting in itself. But this just drives home the point that I'm not as unique as I thought I was! Har har.

I'm in one of those bad joke moods. Ignore any joke you might come across in the blog tonight.

I'd like to place an order to the people who are in charge of putting songs in people's heads. I'd really appreciate something other than Me First tomorrow, and if that's even possible, it would be cool if I could have a song stuck in my head that I haven't listened to in a while so that I can get some kind of joy out of actually listening to it.

I'm a bad sister. I didn't call home this past weekend. I was too busy enjoying my life and relaxing. Maybe I'll call the states next weekend. We'll see.

I need to paint the toenails. And watch a movie. Too bad I only have a movie and no nail polish available.

It'll be nice when I can actually get some sort of useful content back into this thing. Til then, blah blah blah will have to do.
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First song stuck in my head for the day...

Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Hello.

Tomorrow I expect some more Me First... Maybe from the Blow in the Wind album. For a change.
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Three day weekends are cool. Even better...normal length weekends that are just cool. Fun. Relaxing. Unstressful. Ahh, the good life! Okay, so that was super corny, but I feel like being corny at the moment. So let me be.

Nothing of great importance happened over the weekend. There was no life changing event or massively important appointment or meeting. It was to an outside observer probably rather bland and uneventful. And that's true. Can't argue. But it was still quite awesome. An entire Saturday of super relaxed, undemanding time spent with people that I like talking to. Amazingly cool. Last night, a good hockey game to watch, where sadly my predictions about Germany losing fell flat (but that's another story), and a good movie to watch... I even made some headway with Bookworm.

Today was almost a duplicate Saturday. Lounged around in bed for a while, but didn't make any promises about a fitness center this time. (Learned my lesson yesterday, I did.) Went for some lunch with friends in the afternoon... ran over to the KunstHaus for the Bitesnich exhibit, which was really really cool. There are a ton of photographs of his that I really like. Most of them are black and white. I'm not such a big fan of the color prints. They seem to be in color for no apparent reason, and it's the contrast of the black and grays and white that I like so much. It's really usually such a strong contrast that it's just abrasive enough to be so eye catching. Had some coffee, not the best but still drinkable, and some cool conversation.

Was supposed to meet for coffee at a really nice cafe, which apparently closes early on Sundays so instead made an effort to beat the 1,049,000+ high score set in Bookworm. I'm not far off. Somewhere around 800,000 or so, I think.

Since I haven't been to a show in a while, went to Flex to see Backyard Babies. Good show. Swedish, rockers, long hair, bandanas, guitar riffs, and a drummer with a typically "Scandinavian" look. Very cool. Met some interesting people and had a beer in the almost-but-not-yet-summer-night by the canal.

All in all, nothing impressively huge, but super fun and laid back.

Feeling pretty good about a comment that I heard earlier.....bit more comfortable and content with things... hard to explain while trying to be cryptic. I'll try blunt. I've been kind of worried the past week that I was basically putting a lot of hope into something that might work out if the stars aligned properly because I wasn't really sure there was another way for things to work out. But the comment made it clear that the stars don't need to align. I just need to make sure I pay attention to everything and work on things that need working on...and work on my own things myself. Blah. Too hard to be cryptically blunt.

Really.

Time for noodle soup. And a movie. Or game. Or Bookworm competition. Still need to order some books, and beg for someone (ahem) to preorder Sudeki on play.com for me.

la la la
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Ignore typos, please. Spellchecker isn't working to my liking today. Will try to correct them later.

My dream from last night.

So. There I was, standing in front of the place where there used to be a mausoleum - a nice one, pretty large, made of tan colored and reddish-orange veined marble. And instead of the mausoleum, there was nothing and off to the side....a snack shack. Small, battered from wind or snow or some beating from the elements, made of wood and not large enough to hold more than 3 or 4 people comfortably. An old Coca Cola brand label hung across the doorway, also old, weathered and paint chipped.

The narrow room was fairly dark. I couldn't notice any source of light, although I looked for one. There was a narrow counter made of old planks of unkempt wood to the left, behind which sat the shopkeeper. Her feet are propped up on counter next to a plastic kid's basket filled with small change and a little unorganized pile of single dollar bills. She nods pleasantly when I walked in, no trace of a smile on her face but at least no open malice. There was a small stock of candies, a drink refrigerator (which looked remarkably like the drink fridge at my office, only this one was incredibly empty - holding only 2 drinks of unknown origin), a small collection of magazines and crossword puzzle books (that all looked remarkably just like the one I have on my couch table. Go figure...) - I even remember at least one coloring book. No crayons to be seen, however.

When I walked out of the shack, the mausoleum was back, although in miniature form and limited to about the height of an old Ford Mustang. It was surrounded by about 7 older men, probably in their 60's, all collaborating and discussing the architecture as though it were a broken down old Ford Mustang. Much pointing and muttering going on. And then a small busload of what seem to be tourists flood past me, nearly taking me with the current back into the snack shack, but I manage to avoid being swept away and walk towards where the family grave plot is. Except I can't find it. What kind of daughter, granddaughter and niece am I? I can't even find the family graves, even though I've been there a number of times and it's really not a hard plot to find. So after wandering around aimlessly, I head back to the crowded shack, to ask the groundskeeper for a map. Strange as it sounds, there were maps provided by the cemetery from as far back as I can remember that had names on the map to be able to locate loved ones. But I can't find the groundskeeper and end up asking the shack lady, who reminds me a bit of the wife of Benicio del Toro's character in 21 grams (which I saw again last night) except the dream shack keeper's hair is much.... wider. (Lucky girl.) I don't get any good information out of her, and I don't remember what she actually said, so I leave the shack again and go back towards where I know the plot to be.

The weather is untouchable - there's no direct sunshine, but it's not cold. There's probably some clouds in the sky, but I really don't notice. Slight breezes, but only every now and then, and I only notice the breezes when my hair is blown around a little bit and I have to tame it. The men around the mausoleum are likely still there, but I don't notice them. The tour bus and the tourists are idling in front of the groundskeeper's shack and the snack shack, kind of looking a little bored and disinterested. There's only about 20 of them mulling about, but in groups of about 4 or 5, so it doesn't seem like they've taken over the place.

I finally, not sure how, reach the family plot, and although I'm certain the order of the gravestones should be different, I stand and take it in. My grandfather's headstone is dullish gray, speckled, polished and neat. My grandmother's gravestone, to the left of grandpa's is a dark red, speckled with gray, black and red chunks of color. The engraving is plain, the writing bland. I don't read what it says. A small picture, which I don't recognize, is engraved at the top of the rounded stone. To the left of grandma, Uncle Bud rests. I don't actually notice the color or shape of his gravestone. To the right of grandpa, dad's headstone. It's gray. Speckled. Boring. I don't read it. A picture, like his mom's probably, is etched across the top of the stone, but I don't bother to look at it. I know without looking it is likely a religious drawing. I don't care to check. I notice that all of the headstones have a vase attached to the left side. Dad has a new bunch of flowers. Someone was just here visiting. Grandma and Bud have new flowers as well. Grandpa's haven't been changed in a while. So I take one from Dad's vase, one from Grandma's and one from Bud's (although I consider taking a couple more from Bud's) and put them in Grandpa's. I notice a small, narrow ditch, about the same length as my forearm, between grandpa and Dad's graves. And I kneel down on Dad's side to inspect the contents of the ditch. A small tape player, with one of the headphones in the vase of Dad's tombstone and the other headphone tucked away in the ditch. The tape had finished, so I took it out and flipped it over. Put it back into the ditch and pushed play. Grabbed the other earphone and listened for a few seconds before realizing that I was kneeling at the head of my dad's grave.

(Side note, when we would go to the cemetery, my dad was always very much into watching where you walk or kneel or sit. You were never to walk, kneel, sit or trample across anyone's grave, but most especially not the head! Of course there was always the case that when someone was cremated that you had a little more free reign, but it still required a lot of respect. There wasn't anything wrong with kneeling, sitting or standing at the head of the grave if the person had been cremated, though.)

I put the earphone back in the ditch and stood up, taking a few careful steps back....then woke up.

And realized a couple of things. Dream Kirsten didn't recognize that Dad was cremated. So I really could have listened to the tape to hear what it was. I haven't written my aunt a letter in ages. My dad's been dead for 10 years, this month. I wasn't nearly as dreadful after waking up as I would have expected.

I should plan a trip to the east coast so I can visit my dad's grave. At least once.

Currently stuck in my head - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Uptown Girl
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Bookworm.

So not my favorite game.
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Today started out as a really good day. Lounging in bed after a really good sleep is my idea of the best thing you can do on a Saturday morning. I even agreed (probably stupidly) to sign up at a fitness center. Will report back when there's something to report about. To make it even better, add bagels for brunch. And so that's what I did. I had the usual bagel combination. Two plain bagels, one with hummus (lecker!) and one with tomato-basil-and-some-other-stuff-spread. Small caffee latte is always good as a dose of caffeine, and they make a mean latte. I skipped the freshly squeezed oj today, but really shouldn't have. The super good food was followed by a walk through a photo exhibit in front of the Museums Quartier - Earth From Above. All I have to say about that whole thing is:

Wow.

I had already wandered around the exhibit but not all of it. And it's goddamn cool.

Pause for a beverage at a cafe in the Museums Quartier, and the pause in the sunshine lasts about 3 or 4 hours. I had fun trying to read through fun brochures in German. Conclusion = my memory sucks. Really. I didn't think it was really that bad, but it's become evident that trying to remember words that I learned this past week proved to be one of the most difficult things to do today. Not that the day was all that stressful, but still. I was considering going for ice cream, but decided against it.

So now there's the "what to do tonight" debate. In absolutely no particular order, here are the options. Hockey, to watch the Austrians (hopefully) cream the Germans. Prater, to go to "the last show" that's supposed to be one of the best to see, although might not be so good in an open air setting. Bar, to meet up with some people for some beer. Home, to play and do laundry - something I badly need to do, but require more cleaning supplies. Movies, to see 21 grams, which is really good. Something else....that I don't know about yet.

Tomorrow, really wanna go see Bitesnich at the KunstHausWien. It's the second to last weekend of the exhibit and I have been wanting to go see it since before it opened here. Hopefully, I'll remember that tomorrow and make it there.

I can't believe it's already 19.20h. Damn, I'll have to make a decision about the evening's activity pretty quick here. But at least it's really feeling like summer these days - at 1920 the sun hasn't set yet. Loving it!

On another note, welcome to the EU to the newest 10 countries.

As a side note.... German TV preachers are scary looking. There's no need to qualify this statement with any kind of explanation.
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