well-dressed foolish ideas

I wanted an easy night. Something where I wouldn't have to focus at all on anything that's been on my mind lately. But it didn't happen. Sorry for this, but it's just required.

I wanted you there when I turned 18. I wanted you to smile at me as I accepted my high school diploma.

I wanted to laugh with you some more while playing stupid board games.

I wanted to see your face when I started college.

I wanted to see your eyes when I moved out to finish my degree.

I wanted to feel you watching me when I graduated and was handed my degree.

I wanted to pose for pictures with you afterwards in the hot May sunshine.

I wanted to watch your shock when I would have told you I was moving away.

I wanted to see the pride in your face when I learned I could stand on my own two feet.

I wanted to be with you for the holidays, eating like a maniac.

I wanted to walk beside you as you greeted every stranger on the way to the park.

I wanted to look at your pictures and hear your stories - again and again.

I wanted to wake up on Saturdays before you just so I could wake you up.

I wanted to hear you laugh like I've not heard in 11 years.

Of all these things, of everything really... the lack of your laughter is what kills me the most.