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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

What I wanted 

I wanted an easy night. Something where I wouldn't have to focus at all on anything that's been on my mind lately. But it didn't happen. Sorry for this, but it's just required.

I wanted you there when I turned 18. I wanted you to smile at me as I accepted my high school diploma.

I wanted to laugh with you some more while playing stupid board games.

I wanted to see your face when I started college.

I wanted to see your eyes when I moved out to finish my degree.

I wanted to feel you watching me when I graduated and was handed my degree.

I wanted to pose for pictures with you afterwards in the hot May sunshine.

I wanted to watch your shock when I would have told you I was moving away.

I wanted to see the pride in your face when I learned I could stand on my own two feet.

I wanted to be with you for the holidays, eating like a maniac.

I wanted to walk beside you as you greeted every stranger on the way to the park.

I wanted to look at your pictures and hear your stories - again and again.

I wanted to wake up on Saturdays before you just so I could wake you up.

I wanted to hear you laugh like I've not heard in 11 years.

Of all these things, of everything really... the lack of your laughter is what kills me the most.

Very moving, very sad. Your father? (Just in case: should you wish to talk about this but not feel like blogging/commenting, my e-mail address is on my website).
Yes, it was about my dad. Perhaps I'll take the time to put a few more comments, or explain the reason behind my melancholic recent posts, sometime in the near future.
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