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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

TV can teach you stuff 

I've been swallowed by a mutant and spit back out. So I'm currently bundled up on my couch staring at the TV with a blank expression on my face and wondering how long it will take for me to fall asleep. I should have already learned better by now, but I'm watching another bbc prime program. About animals. I'm so not cheered up. But I've found a new love for rhinoceros'. They're cute. And fast. And weigh a whole damn lot. White rhinos have poor eyesight though, so if you run across one in the wild, keep a decent distance and don't make a sound. If you're far enough away so that they can't see you, this is a good thing. But they can run nearly 50 kilometers per hour. So find yourself an escape route. And don't make a sound.

The end of the program has explained how to capture an African Elephant. First, you need a tranq gun. Without that, please abandon any hope of capturing an elephant. Get your hands on some tranq darts and fill them with meds 1.000 times more potent than morphine. If you have any questions, please consult some veterinarians or pharmacist. One dart should keep an elephant sleeping for one hour. Rent yourself a helicopter and a sharp shooter, put them together. Find a herd of elephants from the air, have your sharp shooter tranq the elephant and then wait a while. Again, should you have any questions, consult some vet.

And now. Now, I will sleep.

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