well-dressed foolish ideas

Where's the nearest information desk for life? I'd like to know which line to stand in that will lead me to the proper place. I believe it's called "You're a complete bitch - Hell" however, I may be mistaken in the actual wording. What with these bad days sailing by, I'm fast becoming everyone's favorite person to damn to hell. I can take the voyage ala handbasket, train, plane, automobile or maybe, if I get off my lazy ass, walk. I'm open for other invitations on the method, should you have any ideas - please don't hold back.

I'm certain that the Bitch Hell is the branch which is reserved for people like Ilse Koch, Bloody Mary, Martha Stewart... Me. Regardless of the fact that I'm not famous, I'm certain all of us would get along swimmingly in Bitch Hell. I would be able to learn so much from each of them. It would be like going back to university, only this time for immediately applicable and useful knowledge. And what kind of voyage to Hell would be complete without a lesson from the locals?