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Monday, August 30, 2004


I tried to never drive to or from college during the day. It wasn't an exciting drive in the light, and nighttime driving always made me feel more comfortable. It wasn't the lack of other cars on the road. It wasn't to keep the heat at bay. It was just simply more relaxing. A little music that spurred some memories, me and the open highway. It made me happy. It unstressed me. I could let my mind go off on tangents and contemplate what could have been, or what if I had only done things differently. But life doesn't rewind. And it doesn't fast-forward. No matter how many falling stars you wish on for a fast forward button.

I always propped my left foot up on the dashboard. I usually only used my left hand to steer, resting my right hand on the stick, or leaning on my elbow. I would scan the night sky just above the horizon, collecting memories of the constellations and wanting to stop the car just to lay on the hood and stare at the sky. I never did. I never stopped. It's difficult to stay in the trance of driving-thought that you get into if the car isn't actually moving. You become grounded again. Stationary. Your thoughts cycle like they always do when you're not in motion.

Stagnating thoughts. That's where I've been lately.

I want an open road and nowhere to be, a car, some music and me.

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