Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Off and on
Sleep is a bit evasive. But it wasn't earlier. But now it is. I should just turn off the laptop and lay in bed some more to see if I might possibly pass out again. Nah. Blog first, sleep later. I was considering taking some medicamation - the sleepy helping kind, but I have to be up and somewhat alert in the morning, so I'll postpone the drugs for later. Maybe they'll help me breathe properly again, too, as well as sleep. We shall see.
I'm a little on the fence here about whether or not I like visitors. On the one hand, they're nice to talk to and visit with. On the other hand, there's no such thing as a normal life or normal anything with visitors. You can't even wash your dishes the way you do when no one's visiting. I'm living in a place that I've been in for well over a year, but it feels like I've never even stayed here overnight. It's all foreign to me. Completely. I can't find a goddamn thing in my kitchen, I haven't the faintest clue what kind of food is stashed away in my cupboards and I really don't know what the hell is in the fridge. And somehow this only freaks me out every now and then. At least it's not a constant state of freaked out, but I miss my own place. And I'm annoyed that there's a broken glass on my counter. Why is it on the counter? There's a perfectly good garbage can nearby.
I miss sleep, too.
I don't want to go to a bunch of museums tomorrow. I don't think I'll be awake for most of the day anyways. Or at least at this rate I won't want to be awake for most of the day. I'm not really a good tourist in the city where I live anyways. Even if there's places to go to that I haven't seen yet. But I'm especially not excited about the idea of going to museums or art shows that I've already seen. More than once. And all of this is well and good, but the feeling bad for not wanting to go with the visitors isn't so hot. It's either go and be miserable or don't go and feel bad, but maybe get some sleep, and at least get some rest. So I'm not going to go along.
I'm a little on the fence here about whether or not I like visitors. On the one hand, they're nice to talk to and visit with. On the other hand, there's no such thing as a normal life or normal anything with visitors. You can't even wash your dishes the way you do when no one's visiting. I'm living in a place that I've been in for well over a year, but it feels like I've never even stayed here overnight. It's all foreign to me. Completely. I can't find a goddamn thing in my kitchen, I haven't the faintest clue what kind of food is stashed away in my cupboards and I really don't know what the hell is in the fridge. And somehow this only freaks me out every now and then. At least it's not a constant state of freaked out, but I miss my own place. And I'm annoyed that there's a broken glass on my counter. Why is it on the counter? There's a perfectly good garbage can nearby.
I miss sleep, too.
I don't want to go to a bunch of museums tomorrow. I don't think I'll be awake for most of the day anyways. Or at least at this rate I won't want to be awake for most of the day. I'm not really a good tourist in the city where I live anyways. Even if there's places to go to that I haven't seen yet. But I'm especially not excited about the idea of going to museums or art shows that I've already seen. More than once. And all of this is well and good, but the feeling bad for not wanting to go with the visitors isn't so hot. It's either go and be miserable or don't go and feel bad, but maybe get some sleep, and at least get some rest. So I'm not going to go along.
notes:
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