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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Diets and gadgets aren't for me 

So let's just cut right to the chase here, folks. Here's my menu for the day from the beginning.

Olive bread - snacks in the morning are good.
Iced coffee - stellar since I had ice cubes to add to it this morning because I'm a genius!
Ramen noodles at only nuclear spiciness - yummy and filling.
Red Bull - room temperature is not the best temperature for Red Bull, by the way.
Mineral Water - also room temperature, but somehow not bad.
A bag of Tortilla chips and half a jar of Salsa - can you tell it took me a while to prepare my dinner?
Mineral Water - again, room temperature.

We have no bananas today!

Plans for the evening rested squarely on being lazy. However, in light of the new problems with my fantastic wireless router, I think that beer is in order. Just one. Or two. But definitely not a fun filled night of surfing and writing catchup emails. And, as a side note, the "Windows XP Wireless Auto Configuration" feature is more like a bug than a feature. It's a wart on the nose of the wireless connection witch's face. A bane on society. A plague that ravages .... Okay I'll stop.

Someone please explain to me how the thing can find a wireless connection that isn't even in the same district of this city as my laptop at the moment. I fail to see how this is even possible. I'm not at the level of nerdy-ness or geeky-ness to comprehend this. I just don't get it. And I think after two nights of this junk I could be diagnosed as clinically insane. It might even be an accurate diagnosis.

And now, my mobile isn't working. What is it with me and electronic gadgets this week? Have I committed some heinous karma crime involving any of my electronic devices? Must I sacrifice something at the electronic-gadgets-working-properly altar? I wouldn't even know what to offer! Woe is me.

Please, please let my water heater not break. Please let my washing machine remain in functioning order. Please, dear refrigerator, don't die on me. Please, don't have a seizure and burn out all the heating filaments, my dear and sweet stove/oven. And for the love of god, if my blender breaks and there's no opportunity for smoothies in the near future, please keep me from jumping out my (1st story so not really a threat here) window.

If I find the guy who lives in my house that bought a wireless router and then installed it in his flat ... if I find him, I'll string him up by his toes! And then lash him with not-fully-cooked-noodles. And, and, and then I'll, well, I'll leave him hanging. By his toes. And take his router. And unplug it. Because that would make my problems go away. Right? Right.

I'm a cruel hearted bitch. And I'm going to hell for all this. I'll reserve the party room if anyone wants to join me later. I'm sure the cocktails and beverages will be room temperature, but I'm used to that.

If it's not working, it's probably a D-Link router...need another one? free! t.
That's too generous. I couldn't possibly.
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