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Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I should be sleeping. I know this.

I got sidetracked. Thinking's a real pain in the ass, isn't it? I laid in bed for the past hour, trying my best to attempt to sleep. Headache's coming back with a real vengeance, and I know that I need the rest. So why can't I stop the rumination? Hm.

Midnight Margaritas sound good, although it's past midnight already. Still would be nice. A little liquid courage. Just what I need. Of course, it wouldn't serve any use at the moment considering I probably shouldn't make any phone calls to discuss the goings on in my head. Especially since I would likely call the wrong person to talk about it anyways. I should just let it go, right? Heh. I recall myself saying at a few points in time that I used to find it easy to stop myself from thinking about things. I wonder when it is that I lost that ability.

This reminds me of a conversation I had over coffee, for 7 hours, with a friend. Perhaps it's just me, or as I discovered at the cafe perhaps it's just us, but what happened to some sort of innocence and sense of adventure? Example: I used to hold fast to an idea that everything that happened to me was a learning experience. You can learn from everything. And it's not just a possibility, it's a given. You do learn from everything. And a lesson is repeated until learned. Why did I stop consciously thinking this? And what's with the concept that I seem to have discovered in the past year that dating people used to be so much less complicated? Was it less baggage? Perhaps. I think actually the answer and the truth is related and relies very heavily on fear. Baggage begets fear? Perhaps. I might be totally alone in this thought, but I highly doubt it... a lot of behavior is based on fear. What's worse is that it's not even acknowledged, therefore hardly ever understood and remedied. And this all leads me to the question of what can I acknowledge? Rather I think the more pertinent question is what will I acknowledge? The ability and the act are two separate things, are they not? Once we cover acknowledgement, then there's the dealing with the fear. And really, who wants to do that? Studying your own fears, finding their origins, discovering the triggers that are inevitably bringing them to the surface, learning to change the triggers, adapt them and turn the resulting fear into something healthy... Productive... Useful.

And here's the key word. Useful.

I haven't achieved that one tonight. I fear (ha ha pun intended) that I won't before I pass out from exhaustion. Or at least I just won't get there tonight before I'm tired enough to give up.

But nonetheless, that's a scary prospect. Digging around in something that has hold of your psyche, causes unrest. One must really wonder if it behooves them to walk up to it and take a good, thorough look around the whole thing, checking out every crevice, every angle, just so they can dismantle it properly. Rather ominous when you think about it.

So there should be some deconstruction soon. Some clearing out. Kind of like cleaning out grandma's attic. There's cobwebs up there, it's dark and such a small crawlspace really. Not much room for tour groups, just a solo holiday to the psyche. But wouldn't it be great to take someone along to lean on? And therein lies the problem. Who would you show those things to? Someone you don't even know? Someone you don't want to know? Someone you just want to talk to? Someone you never want to see again? Someone you just met? Obvious answers and reasons come up for every single one of those prospects, but what else do you have?

Sounds so desperate really, when it's not. Exhaustion multiplies the exaggeration factor. But the puzzle and the questions are still valid.

I'd continue and postulate further about my problems with blah blah, but frankly, I give more of a damn about sleep than confessing and unburdening my soul at this hour.

On a happier note, there's mathematical proof that women are evil. Did I say happier? Hm. Thanks for the link Markus.

Moving on to topics related to the US... I dug through some blogs and thought this was terribly interesting. I would link it, but you'd have to dig, so I thought copy and paste would be good. As found on the undernews blog....

Richard L. Franklin

1. For many years, Langley Air Force Base fighter jets were maintained in a state of instant readiness for the interception of and potential shooting down of hijacked airliners. Standby pilots, when advised of hijackings by airlines, were required to instantly initiate pursuit and take appropriate actions without any superior orders to do so. Why did Donald Rumsfeld, through the use of a secret memo, cancel this standing order and institute a requirement that only Donald Rumsfeld could order pursuits of hijacked airliners? And why did he fail to give such an order when the news of the Boston based hijackings reached Langley Air Force Base? High velocity fighter jets could have reached all four of the hijacked planes within minutes. The speed differences between the fighter jets and the airliners was huge.

2. Three WTC towers collapsed. The reason given for the collapses was the impact of jet airliners plus jet kerosene fires. The third tower was not struck by a plane, and therefore did not suffer any impact or a kerosene fire. Why then did WTC7 collapse in the same fashion as the other two towers? And why has there been a virtual news blackout regarding Tower7?

3. When the airliners hit the towers, collapsing as they penetrated the towers, fuel tanks burst open spilling most of the kerosene fuel outside the towers. When the firemen reached the fire in one of the towers, a fireman radioed down to his chief that the fire was now relatively small and was under full control. He reportedly said, "Not to worry, Chief."
This report was automatically recorded. The FBI has reportedly seized the audiotape and refuses to release it. Why?

4. The architects and engineers who built the towers created them to easily withstand the impact of a Boeing 707. A generous degree of surplus capacity to resist such impacts was built into the towers. The architect who designed the towers claims he cannot see how it was physically possible for the plane crashes to bring down the towers. He insists the mathematics involved belie what happened. So what is the explanation for an event that appears to be mathematically and physically impossible?

5. Molten steel was found in the remains of the three towers. A temperature of over 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit is necessary to melt steel. Kerosene burning in air will reach a maximum of 500 degrees Fahrenheit. What explanation is there for finding molten steel in the ruins? Why was it that not a single physicist, metallurgist, or fire engineer was ever allowed to examine the molten steel? Why was it collected and instantly shipped to Japan as scrap iron? Why was it not preserved in a secure depot as evidence in a mass homicide case? When experts have been asked what could produce the molten steel, many have suggested thermite, which reaches an instant temperature of 5,000 degrees.

6. A huge portion of the concrete in the towers was turned into powder. So much powder was created, a two- to three-inch layer of powder covered Manhattan over a radius of two to three miles. No fires have ever been known to produce this bizarre phenomenon. Such an instant conversion of concrete into powder occurs only in demolitions using something like thermite, a heat-producing explosive. Why has no explanation ever been offered for the massive billowing clouds of concrete powder? As you may have noticed, there is an almost eerie lack of concrete in the skeletal
ruins. The photos look almost surrealistic with their naked steel girders.

7. How was it possible that a couple of passports of the hijackers were recovered in pristine condition, given the fact they must have been in the pockets of the hijackers, whose bodies were apparently incinerated? Still more amazing, how is it that Mohammed Atta's passport, which was found lying on the sidewalk in new condition at the site of the ruins, was discovered a year and a half after 9/11? And how is it that any passports whatsoever could survive the crashes and fires while the black boxes have vanished into thin air?

8. Well before 9/11, when a suspicious group of young Wahhabis appeared at the US Consul in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia, to apply for visas to the US, the consul denied them visas. The CIA then visited the consul and made some serious threats, while suggesting he immediately issue the visas. Why has this bizarre event never been explained? Apparently a stream of young Wahabbis were coming to Jiddah to meet with CIA recruiters. According to some reports, these young men were all interested in achieving martyrdom. Why has this never been investigated by the commission created to study the events leading up to 9/11? The consul, who was fired for having kept records of all these shenanigans, has not been called to testify before the Commission. Why not?

9. An instant messaging service named Odigo, occupied an entire floor of one tower. Odigo is an Israeli firm. Not only that, it is known to be a front for MOSSAD. Roughly two hours before the tower was hit by a jetliner, Odigo received a phone call urging all Odigo employees to evacuate the building. Accordingly, all employees hurriedly left the tower. Why isn't the Commission digging deeply into this?

10. Before the towers were hit, a white van, driven by three Israelis was stationed at a spot with a good view of the towers. They set up a movie camera on a tripod on the roof of the van. When the first tower was hit, two of the Israelis were seen dancing in the street with joy while the third filmed the event. They were arrested. Two of the men turned out to be MOSSAD agents. Later, another white van with several Israelis was stopped and arrested by city police near a major tunnel. The van contained demolition explosives (thermite?). FBI agents hurriedly visited the NYPD precinct holding the Israelis. They literally ordered the NYPD to immediately release all of the Israelis because it was an urgent matter of national security. The FBI then quickly placed these men on a plane which flew them directly to Israel. Why were they released? Why hasn't the Commission asked for extradition of these men so they can be interrogated?

11. Just before 9/11, there was a huge amount short selling of airline stocks and stocks in companies with headquarters in the three towers. Just three days before 9/11, massive amounts of United Airline stocks were sold short (two of the hijacked planes were from United Airlines). The investors have never been publicly named. Huge amounts of profit were harvested in Europe and Israel. The German Intelligence conducted a long and intensive investigation. They were poised to release their report when extreme pressure was applied by the White House to block release of the report. Why?

12. When the Pentagon was allegedly struck by American Airlines flight 77, not a single fragment of the plane was ever discovered. Witnesses to the clearing of the building wreckage never saw even the tiniest item that might belong to a huge jet airliner. Such things as engine parts invariably survive such crashes. Why is the Commission not looking into this bizarre absence of any plane wreckage? This seems to suggest the building was not hit by a plane. If so, what was it that hit the building? After all, this is one of the strangest mysteries surrounding 9/11. It surely deserves an answer.

Conspiracy theories are a good way to distract the mind. I'll focus on those for a while, and perhaps sleep will invade.

I hope.

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